So...

I just got back from a date.

My first since Zina, the warrior princess, destroyer of lives decided to leave me.

It may very well may be my LAST date.

I met her on "Craig's List". I had placed an ad looking for, well, ANYTHING. I haven't even attempted to date since her highness packed up and left me with a pile of shit almost a year-and-a-half ago. Why would I WANT to do that to myself again?

It appears that my gut instinct was right...I should have listened.

First of all, this girl appears to have been named after a tree...you know, like "Sequioa" or "Magnolia".

Clue #1.

She shows up at my front door wearing flip-flops and an ill-fitted mumu. She's about 30 pounds heavier than her online photo and in THAT she was heavy. She's only about 5'2".

We get into her car, a Suburban that hasn't been washed or cleaned in, oh, about 15 years or so, and head off to a local Chinese restaurant.

I'm thinking to myself, "Okay Scott, now you haven't done this in a while. Maybe it's not really as bad as it first seems. Give it a chance."

We drive to the restauarant, sit down and order.

Okay, this next part took me just a LITTLE off guard. Right off the bat, she starts to discuss her previous lovers. I know, faux pas numero uno. But wait, it gets worse...if that's possible. She eventually puts 2 and 2 together and realizes that someone she dated last year was...

...have you guessed it yet?

...wait for the trumpets.

My younger brother.

Jesus Christ.

You

have

GOT

to

be

freakin'

KIDDING!!!

Jesus F-ing Christ.

Somebody please shoot me.

This date has only been going on for 20 minutes and I already thought it was bad. But now you spring THIS shit on me?

She leans across the table to tell me that she has a "system". She keeps her first dates down to 30 minutes. She likes to keep the date short and makes it a point to tell me that she doesn't sleep with a guy until she's been dating him for at least a month.

Don't worry babe. That was the LAST thing I had in mind.

So...after this JOYOUS romp back into the dating scene again, somebody PLEASE tell me just ONE thing...

After Zina, the Wonder Mess, and how well all THAT all turned out, why...WHY...WHY would I ever want to date again???