Welcome to my brain. Try not to be afraid.

Scientists say that the Universe is infinite.
Scientists also say that the Universe is expanding.
If the Universe is truly infinite then how can it be expanding?

Why is it called a "Doughnut"?
Okay, it's made with dough, but where's the nut?
And how exactly can you eat a "Doughnut Hole"?

Why were there "Holy Wars"?
If murder is a sin, then why would you kill in the name of God?

If women don't want to be viewed as sex objects why are cosmetics, diet pills, breast implants, push-up bras, plastic surgery, high heels, corsets, mini skirts, tube tops, nylons and hair dye such big business? And what about all those "articles" in womens' magazines about how to "Spice Up Your Sex Life"? Not to mention the fact that there is a waiting list 1,000 miles long of women who want to pose for "Playboy".

Is it the same person? Or triplets separated at birth?

This is Colm Meaney.

He played Engineer "Miles O'Brian" on "Star Trek: the Next Generation" and "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine".

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This is John C. Reilly.

He is probably best known for his roles in "Chicago", "The Dewey Cox Story" and opposite Will Ferrell in "Step Brothers".

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...and this, God help us all, is Susan Boyle from "Britain's Got Talent".

Does anyone else notice anything, uhh, familiar???

Zurm.

Shiz nizzle whatsit flurm.

Bogdanny fliznit joogamahits flub-jub.

Skizzle blatwad Pia Zadora

Misz blankwad frahizzle???

Bleeg.

Am I back in Germany???

I'm sitting here on my couch.

Leg propped up, pain medication and heating pad administered.

What the fuck?

My life, as I knew it, was just starting to get back on track.

Things were finally returning to some sense of "normality".

...and then this.

Is it a new injury?

Or is it from the Arthroscopic knee surgery I had in Germany back in 1996?

X-rays were taken.

I doubt...EXTREMELY...that they will show anything.

I've been through this before.

Soft tissue damage.

It doesn't show up on an X-ray.

I know that.

Basically, probably, hopefully not, but more than likely I'm fucked.

And there is absolutely NOTHING that I can do about it.

I've been here before.

Unfortunately.

I can barely walk.

I can barely stand.

It might as well be a 10 mile hike just to get to the bathroom.

This is nothing new to me.

Like I said, I've been here before.

Halfway across the world...but I've been here before.

But does this mean, once this passes, that I will, more than likely, spend the rest of my life hobbling about like some old, feeble, handicapped person?

Something is telling me yes.

Me.

I used to dance.

REALLY dance.

Ballet.

Jazz.

Tap.

Modern.

I can't even get to the kitchen to make myself a sandwich.

Fuck you world.

Fuck you.

No.

I

FUCKING

MEAN

IT.

FOOUH

UHHK

EYOO

OOUU!!!

After everything I've been through in the past year, YOU THROW THIS MOTHER FUCKING SHIT IN MY FACE???

"From Hells heart, I stab at thee."

"For hates' sake, I spit my last breath at thee."

When did the world go completely insane?

When I was little, people had jobs. They went to work everyday and did whatever it was that they did to bring home a paycheck.

It was what it was.

Not anymore.

When I was little, we had "Garbagemen". They rolled up to your house in a big, blue truck and took your garbage away to the dump.

Not anymore.

The job hasn't changed, but now they want you to call them "Sanitary Servicemen".

When I was little, we had "Secretaries". They worked in an office. They typed up memos. They filed paperwork.

Not anymore.

The job hasn't changed, but now they want you to call them "Personal Assistants".

I recently went on a shopping trip to Target. On my way out to the car, bags in hand, a guy rolls by me on one of those "Segues". He's wearing a neon yellow vest. Emblazoned across the back in capital letters is his job title..."ASSETS PROTECTION".

Are you serious?

You're a minimum wage security guard in a Target parking lot.

What is wrong with having the job you have? Obviously, you must think that SOMETHING is wrong. Giving your job a more "important" title changes nothing.
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Last night I went to Safeway to do some grocery shopping. Right inside, near the entrance, there is a large wall covered with shelves. It's usually filled with "seasonal" items.

For weeks, the shelves have been lined with Jack-O-Lanterns and witches. Haunted houses and ghosts. Black cats and tombstones. Scary Halloween stuff.

Not anymore.

Now more than half of the Halloween decor has been taken down. In it's place are reindeer, snowflakes, sleighbells and figurines of Santa Claus.

Seriously?

Halloween is still 2 weeks away and you're already taking it off the shelves and packing it away to make room for Christmas decorations??? It's OCTOBER!!! Christmas is more than TWO MONTHS AWAY!!!

So somebody please tell me, when did the world go completely insane?