"Good Afternoon! Welcome to the Bank of Sadistic Assholes! My name is Satan. How can I fuck you over today?"

I hate banks.

I almost closed my account today. Perhaps I still may...the jury's out on that one.

Unbeknownst to me, my checking account evidently became, well, $0, after I had to lay down $237.00 to repair my car a couple of weeks ago. It wouldn't start after I got off work.

...that's not including the towing fee.

...and the car still doesn't run right.

I drove it off the repair lot, down the street, took a left turn and got on the entrance to the freeway. Halfway down the ramp, the car bucked and the check engine light came on...again.

I hadn't even driven the car 3 miles yet. But that's only the beginning of the problem.

When I picked up the car, I tried to pay for it with my Visa credit card...it was denied.

Left with no other choice, I put the car repairs on my debit card...as in the money is taken directly out of my checking account.

A couple of days later I rent a DVD from one of those "Red Boxes" you see at the grocery store. I've rented from this particular machine many times before and it automatically enters my banking information. The daily fee for a rental? $1.09.

Let me say that again for those of you that missed it...$1.09

This sets into motion a series of events only Satan would find funny. This $1.09 charge makes my checking account negative. The bank starts ringing up the overdraft charges. No phone calls. No e-mails. No text messages. Nothing. When all is said and done, the bank has rung up over $218.00 in fees.

The grand total of EVERYTHING I actually spent? $22.

4 of the 6 "penalty fees" are for $1 video rentals. The other 2 are for $11 and $7.

Let's see, that a mark-up of...

Umm...

Give me a second here...

Let me do the math...

Wait, I've almost got it...

1,000 PERCENT??? Just where, pray tell, do you ASSHOLES think all this money is going to come from IF THERE ISN'T ANY MONEY IN MY ACCOUNT IN THE FIRST PLACE???

...and just because misery LOVES company, how many hours am I scheduled to work this week?

...17.

...and the rent is due.