The United States Post Office has declared that they will no longer deliver your "letters to Santa".
That service is to be discontinued.
Not to fear, though. They have the problem well in hand.
Children everywhere can send Santa Claus a text message from their cell phone.
...wait a minute.
Jolly old Saint Nick?
Who is still dressed in a red suit from the 1800's?
Who still drives a SLEIGH?
Who still makes toys out of, what's that stuff called again? Oh yeah, WOOD?
Has a cell phone???
Does he get reception at the North Pole???
...and just how much would it cost to receive 6 BILLION text messages anyway???
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Saturday, December 05, 2009
Friday, December 04, 2009
An accident waiting to happen?
Does anyone out there remember a ship named, umm, what was it called again?
Oh yeah, TITANIC???
Didn't we learn our lesson the FIRST time?
_____________________________________________________________
"Oasis of the Seas: Titanic Proportions"
"Royal Carribean's Oasis of the Seas debuts in December as the world's largest cruise ship. It is nearly five times the gross tonnage of the Titanic, and 1 1/2 times longer than the U.S. Capitol building, has 16 decks and has a capacity for 6,296 guests. You may also be pleased to know that Oasis has the largest lifeboats in the cruise world. Each one can hold nearly 370 people."
___________________________________________________________________Oh, I'm VERY pleased to know that. If history has a lesson to be learned here, those lifeboats are going to be needed.
Why are we as humans OBSESSED with "bigger and better"?
5 TIMES the size of the TITANIC???
We all know how well THAT ended.
When does it stop?
How many warning signs do you need?????
Thursday, December 03, 2009
The 12 Days of Christmas
On my way home from the gym this afternoon in my car, I decided to turn on the local "Christmas" radio station.
Every town's got one.
You know, the one that plays only Christmas music starting around Thanksgiving and plays it 24 hours a day until Christmas. Well, they just happened to be playing "The 12 Days of Christmas". Not my favorite Christmas tune, but what the heck.
What startled me was after the song finished.
The DJ came back on and announced that a small independent company had tallied up what everything in that song would cost at today's market value.
...you wanna take a guess as to how much it would cost you?
...I'll wait.
...dum-dee-dum-dee-dum.
...la-dee-dah-dee-dah.
...okay, here's what they said it would cost at today's market price.
...hold on to your wallet.
$87,000.00!!!
Hey babe, it may be Christmas and yes, I do love you...but wouldn't you rather settle for, oh, I don't know, maybe A CAR???
IT WOULD BE CHEAPER!!!!!
Every town's got one.
You know, the one that plays only Christmas music starting around Thanksgiving and plays it 24 hours a day until Christmas. Well, they just happened to be playing "The 12 Days of Christmas". Not my favorite Christmas tune, but what the heck.
What startled me was after the song finished.
The DJ came back on and announced that a small independent company had tallied up what everything in that song would cost at today's market value.
...you wanna take a guess as to how much it would cost you?
...I'll wait.
...dum-dee-dum-dee-dum.
...la-dee-dah-dee-dah.
...okay, here's what they said it would cost at today's market price.
...hold on to your wallet.
$87,000.00!!!
Hey babe, it may be Christmas and yes, I do love you...but wouldn't you rather settle for, oh, I don't know, maybe A CAR???
IT WOULD BE CHEAPER!!!!!
Wednesday, December 02, 2009
I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to say, so call it "stream of consciousness"...
Today is Wednesday.
I see the doctor again tomorrow.
I'm bored speechless.
I actually caught myself watching "Days Of Our Lives" yesterday.
Dear God.
I started my annual "24 days of Christmas" decorating yesterday. I do it every year.
On December 1st, you hang a string of lights.
On December 2nd, you put a wreath on the front door.
On December 3rd, you hang another string of lights.
On December 4th, you put out one of those light-up, animated reindeer.
On December 5th, you hang yet another string of lights.
...and so on, and so on, all month long until by December 24th your place resembles Chevy Chase's house in "Christmas Vacation". Thank God for LED's. They save you TONS of money on the electric bill. Hey, it just ain't Christmas if you can still see the house behind all the decorations on Christmas morning. How else do you think Santa's gonna find you? My place is clearly visible from space. The astronauts on the International Space Station use it as a beacon.
It's true.
...and I've got the only Christmas Palm Tree on the block, that's for sure.
Well, gotta go now. I have to line the front walkway with light-up candy canes!
Merry Christmas everybody!
I see the doctor again tomorrow.
I'm bored speechless.
I actually caught myself watching "Days Of Our Lives" yesterday.
Dear God.
I started my annual "24 days of Christmas" decorating yesterday. I do it every year.
On December 1st, you hang a string of lights.
On December 2nd, you put a wreath on the front door.
On December 3rd, you hang another string of lights.
On December 4th, you put out one of those light-up, animated reindeer.
On December 5th, you hang yet another string of lights.
...and so on, and so on, all month long until by December 24th your place resembles Chevy Chase's house in "Christmas Vacation". Thank God for LED's. They save you TONS of money on the electric bill. Hey, it just ain't Christmas if you can still see the house behind all the decorations on Christmas morning. How else do you think Santa's gonna find you? My place is clearly visible from space. The astronauts on the International Space Station use it as a beacon.
It's true.
...and I've got the only Christmas Palm Tree on the block, that's for sure.
Well, gotta go now. I have to line the front walkway with light-up candy canes!
Merry Christmas everybody!
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