Cause For Celebration?

This is from an e-mail I received from the CPDSA, an organization I used to skate with in New York City. Keep in mind that the parade runs from 111th street up to 142nd, right through the middle of Harlem...

"Here we are in 2006, our 3rd year in the AFRICAN AMERICAN DAY PARADE. We will have a Float to house a state of the art sound system and signs with our logo prominently displayed.

Sunday, September 17, 2006 - 4:00 PM. The meet is at: 113th street on the West Side of Adam Clayton Powell Jr. Blvd.

Leave valuables at home."

Cirque du Mass Produced Crap

This has officially reached the point of ridiculous...

"CKX, Inc., its subsidiary Elvis Presley Enterprises and Cirque du Soleil have reached an agreement with MGM MIRAGE to create a permanent Elvis Presley show at the CityCenter hotel/casino, under construction in Las Vegas. The show is expected to open with the hotel in November 2009."

O.K., let's all count shall we? There's "Mystere" at Treasure Island (or the T.I.), "O" at the Bellagio, "Zumanity" at New York, New York, "Ka" at the MGM, and the new, downright sacrilegious "Love" at the Mirage, based on the music of the Beatles. Add to that the touring production of "Delirium" now in town, plus this new Elvis-based show. And if you want to expand your thinking, both Celine Dion's, "A New Day" at Caesar's and "Le Reve" at the Wynn were conceived by Dragone, also from Cirque. Does this town really need NINE Cirque du Soleil shows?

I guess all showgirl memorabilia will soon be replaced by cracked-out, 21st century clowns...

Megadeth

I work with a girl named Meredith. She's from Alabama, or "Bama" as she calls it. The girl is the definition of poor white trash, with a deep southern drawl...and a forked tongue. She bitches about everything. So much so that the girls who sit next to her have all requested to be moved to the other side of the room. She relentlessly teases the girl I'm seeing. No, scratch that, she outright hates her, and she's turned her Medusa head toward me because of it. At a recent work party she called my name, and when I turned she threw a football straight at my face. We make jokes about her and have given her names like "Megadeth", or D.B. for "dirty bitch" or "droopy boobs". To say that I don't like this girl is an understatement. I distance myself from her whenever I can and avoid eye contact like the plague.

Meredith died this week. She was only 25.

This has become one of the more puzzling inner struggles I've ever had to deal with. How do you feel when the school bully dies? Am I sad that she died? Yes. Am I glad that I don't have to deal with her abrasive personality anymore? Also yes. Does this make me a bad person? Of course not. Then why do I feel like one? She wasn't evil. And she wasn't a bad person. She had friends. She made people laugh. Something went wrong somewhere and now it's too late to find out what. A group of us were talking about her the other night, discussing what a complete and utter B-I-T-C-H she could be. Right at that moment she was probably taking her last breath.

Perhaps I was too narrow-minded. Perhaps I could have met her half way. Perhaps I just gave up and never gave her a chance. Perhaps I withdrew into my own little world and decided I was just going to hate her, no matter what. Perhaps she brought all this on herself, but does that mean I couldn't at least try to see her side? It may have all been a simple misunderstanding. Something that could have been easily remedied by merely talking to each other. I'll never know.

Once a person is gone, you don't get the chance to make it right.

Headline of the week

Best Jugglers in the World Throw Up in Las Vegas

For the third year in a row, the World Juggling Federation (WJF) will hold it's annual competition in Las Vegas. The best technical jugglers in the world will compete for prize monies in several different diciplines over the four-day weekend.

I just love old people

One unremarkable afternoon I'm at the gym when I see this elderly woman on one of the treadmills trying to get it started. She sees me, motions me over and says rather harshly, "Excuse me, young man. How do you get this thing start?". Now it's a new model of treadmill and I've never used this particular one before, so I take a look at it and see "Touch here to start" displayed brazenly across the screen. The rest of the conversation went something like this:

"Okay, just touch the screen right here", I press the button.

"Oh, now how do you get it to speed up?"

"Just push right here where it says 'Speed' with the up and down arrows."

"Okay, now how do you increase the incline?"

"Just push right here where it says 'Incline' with the up and down arrows."

"You know I just spent 15 minutes on that other treadmill over there trying to get it to go, and nothing happened." She points the culprit out to me.

"I'll go check it out for you."

So I walk over to the demon treadmill, but before I even get close I can see what the problem is...the screen is completely blank. There's no power. So I look to the side of the machine and yup, it's not plugged in. I plug it back in and it comes to life with a "Beep".

I head back over to Granny.

"The problem was that the treadmill wasn't plugged in."

"Oh. Now where do I plug in my headphones?"

"See the little headphone symbol next to that plug?"

"Oh, okay. Now how do I change the TV channel on the screen?"

"Just push right here where it says 'Channel' with the up and down arrows."

"Uh huh. Okay, now how do I turn up the volume?"

"Just push right here where it says 'Volume' with the up and down arrows."

...I just love old people.