I know you've heard about them, these corporate "buzz sessions" that are supposed to bring "a sense of unity"...corporate retreats to a happy little campground or bonding exercises to make the employees feel like one big, happy family. Starting this week at my job, at the beginning of every shift, they are requiring us to all meet together in a group and say the following out loud, with energy...twice.
1,2,3,4,5,6, Smile!
2,2,3,4,5,6, Smile!
Smile to the right!
Smile to the left!
Smile all around!
Get rid of that frown!
I wish I was kidding. I really do...but I'm not. It's beyond ridiculous, especially in my line of work, where it's beyond pointless. We smile for a living you idiots, that's what you're paying us to do. It's meant to bring up morale, but since it's implementation I find it has had the exact opposite effect. It all started following a huge corporate take-over. The quality of food in the employee cafeteria has gone severely downhill. They've changed our pay schedule twice. Our paychecks haven't been correct in months...I'm still waiting to be reimbursed for hours I wasn't paid back in the beginning of January. We have been over taxed on our paychecks since September and still are. They claim to be correcting the problem and say they will reimburse us soon...but c'mon, it's been 7 months. Morale is at an all-time low, and you can feel the heaviness in the air as you walk down the hallways. Why on earth would we want to "smile all around, get rid of that frown"?
The day after this bullshit was implemented, a notice was posted on the board for a meeting where employees could meet with the higher-ups and discuss any concerns or problems they might be having...
The notice was posted 6 hours after the meeting ended.
Friday, March 31, 2006
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
Land of the free ride, home of the slovenly
It's a fact that the United States has the highest percentage of clinically obese people of any nation in the world. Do you know why? Because we are lazy. I mean really frickin' lazy...
I used to work out in a gym on the second floor of a building. I would watch people spend 45 minutes on the stairmaster and then take the elevator down one floor to the street. The stairs are right next to the elevator. These same people would then unwrap their energy bar and drop the wrapper on the ground on their way out. The trash can was 10 feet from the door.
I walk to work. I do it every day. It takes me 10 minutes. I have tried driving to work and it takes me 20 minutes with all the traffic. Walking is faster and I'm not paying for the extra gas. Yet people still look at me like I have 3 heads when I tell them that I walk to work.
When I was a child, my mother always used to cook us dinner. Always. Sometimes it was creamed dog barf on a stick, but she cooked for us. Nowadays most people either order in food or stop by the drive-thru on their way home from work. We had that growing up too, but it was a rare treat once every few months, not 3-4 times or more per week...and we drank milk with dinner, not soda.
I was just in the grocery store where some old, fat guy in one of those "personal scooters" took out an entire display, items rolling all over the floor. These scooters are everywhere, and I would venture a guess that less than 50% of the people who ride these things actually have a medical reason to. You know what? You wouldn't have as many problems with your knees if you lost the extra 250 pounds you're carrying around and actually walked once in a while.
Over the past 20 years or so, the number of frivolous lawsuits has become simply overwhelming. I mean hey, why actually work for a living when you can stick a dismembered finger in a cup of chili and sue a huge corporation for millions of dollars so you can spend the rest of your life sitting on the couch eating potato chips and getting fat? Either that or burn yourself with a cup of coffee and claim it was their fault for not informing you that your hot coffee was indeed actually hot.
Americans eat. I mean really eat. Our portion sizes are nearly twice that of Europe. All-you-can-eat buffets. "Hungry Man" dinners. Super-sizing. We eat, and eat, and pack on the pounds. Then you try to lose the weight. Do you go to the gym? No. Do you take daily walks? No. Do you take up Yoga? No. Do you order some magic diet pill that you saw on a late-night infomercial while sitting on the couch downing a half-gallon of Haagen-Dazs? YES!! Look people, magic pills don't exist. If you want to lose weight there's only one thing you can do, lower your caloric intake and get some exercise. You're going to have to get off your fat ass and actually do something. Period.
If we don't change our mindset as a nation, our children will face shorter life spans and unhealthier, unhappier lives. Turn off the TV. Unplug your kid's video game system. Go out and take a walk. Take the stairs. Exercise releases endorphines. Endorphines make you feel happy. Happy people live longer.
I used to work out in a gym on the second floor of a building. I would watch people spend 45 minutes on the stairmaster and then take the elevator down one floor to the street. The stairs are right next to the elevator. These same people would then unwrap their energy bar and drop the wrapper on the ground on their way out. The trash can was 10 feet from the door.
I walk to work. I do it every day. It takes me 10 minutes. I have tried driving to work and it takes me 20 minutes with all the traffic. Walking is faster and I'm not paying for the extra gas. Yet people still look at me like I have 3 heads when I tell them that I walk to work.
When I was a child, my mother always used to cook us dinner. Always. Sometimes it was creamed dog barf on a stick, but she cooked for us. Nowadays most people either order in food or stop by the drive-thru on their way home from work. We had that growing up too, but it was a rare treat once every few months, not 3-4 times or more per week...and we drank milk with dinner, not soda.
I was just in the grocery store where some old, fat guy in one of those "personal scooters" took out an entire display, items rolling all over the floor. These scooters are everywhere, and I would venture a guess that less than 50% of the people who ride these things actually have a medical reason to. You know what? You wouldn't have as many problems with your knees if you lost the extra 250 pounds you're carrying around and actually walked once in a while.
Over the past 20 years or so, the number of frivolous lawsuits has become simply overwhelming. I mean hey, why actually work for a living when you can stick a dismembered finger in a cup of chili and sue a huge corporation for millions of dollars so you can spend the rest of your life sitting on the couch eating potato chips and getting fat? Either that or burn yourself with a cup of coffee and claim it was their fault for not informing you that your hot coffee was indeed actually hot.
Americans eat. I mean really eat. Our portion sizes are nearly twice that of Europe. All-you-can-eat buffets. "Hungry Man" dinners. Super-sizing. We eat, and eat, and pack on the pounds. Then you try to lose the weight. Do you go to the gym? No. Do you take daily walks? No. Do you take up Yoga? No. Do you order some magic diet pill that you saw on a late-night infomercial while sitting on the couch downing a half-gallon of Haagen-Dazs? YES!! Look people, magic pills don't exist. If you want to lose weight there's only one thing you can do, lower your caloric intake and get some exercise. You're going to have to get off your fat ass and actually do something. Period.
If we don't change our mindset as a nation, our children will face shorter life spans and unhealthier, unhappier lives. Turn off the TV. Unplug your kid's video game system. Go out and take a walk. Take the stairs. Exercise releases endorphines. Endorphines make you feel happy. Happy people live longer.
Monday, March 06, 2006
So you think you're a sci-fi fan?
Think you know science fiction television? Test your knowledge of everything sci-fi with my newest quiz!
Thursday, March 02, 2006
Give me the good ol' days
When I was a child, I remember having a favorite TV show, or several. These shows had an unflinching schedule that you could rely on year after year. The season would start up around the same time as school, sometime in early September, perhaps take a small break around the holidays and then continue on until school let out again around early June. It was the same every year. You knew when summer hit that you would have to endure 3 months of episodes you'd already seen, but you were expecting it. The average season lasted about 26 episodes.
But not anymore.
TV execs have gotten so lazy these days that you don't know what to expect. Shows have their "season premiere" at just about any point during the calendar year. New shows are never given the chance to get off the ground, and mid-season replacements have become commonplace. "Seasons" sometimes last only a few episodes and then it goes into re-runs. Case in point: One of the shows I enjoy (which shall remain nameless) had it's "season premiere" on January 13th. Now this week (March 3rd) they are advertising the 2-part season finale. Wait just a freakin' minute, YOUR SEASON IS LESS THAN 2 MONTHS LONG??? What the hell is that? I don't feel like watching re-runs of the NINE episodes you aired for the next 6 months. What happened to the 26 episode season? Makes me not want to tune in at all...
But not anymore.
TV execs have gotten so lazy these days that you don't know what to expect. Shows have their "season premiere" at just about any point during the calendar year. New shows are never given the chance to get off the ground, and mid-season replacements have become commonplace. "Seasons" sometimes last only a few episodes and then it goes into re-runs. Case in point: One of the shows I enjoy (which shall remain nameless) had it's "season premiere" on January 13th. Now this week (March 3rd) they are advertising the 2-part season finale. Wait just a freakin' minute, YOUR SEASON IS LESS THAN 2 MONTHS LONG??? What the hell is that? I don't feel like watching re-runs of the NINE episodes you aired for the next 6 months. What happened to the 26 episode season? Makes me not want to tune in at all...
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